Guess Who's Back

ronnie is finally out! it's amazing.

i've been following FIR's and nasty's twitter to get updates about ronnie's new band but all that was on hold due to the fact that he was in jail.and trust me i've been following for a while.
so it was kind of a long wait. 2 and a half years and stuff. so again. the whole lot of us havent seen how ronnie looks in a while and we only had an unclear pic of him in jail and shit.
so i was dead surprised to see how he looked like in the new FIR pictures! i mean yeah it's just pictures and shit but half of the pictures i've seen him in is him looking a wasted and unfocused and shit like that. and the videos of him that i've seen are just the same.
and seeing the stickam videos the guys uploaded i was even more surprised to see him move and talk. i usually just hear him over the phone that nasty's holding. anyways in the latest video he looks healthier and he even sounds healthier and so much better.
i really hope FIR goes far now that ronnie's back in the picture. i mean the dude is talented as hell. his voice and his lyrics are beyond amazing. i can't wait to hear what the whole lot of them come up with once they start recording.
<3

A BIG "FUCK YOU" to you.

hello.

so right now im here thinking.. people make fun of each other right? be it friends or family yeah?
all of it do right? we make fun of people just for the heck of it and being outright malicious just for the hell of it right? here's the thing im not saying im perfect. i DO make fun of people but BEHIND their backs. okay that sounds bad. but at least i know im not hurting their feelings by making fun of them and outright insulting their flaws right in their face. i mean seriously. i know we're not suppose to talk about people and shit like that but again we can't help it. it's a human thing. we talk about people.

i mean honestly i would never ever insult someone in their face by pointing out that their fat, their ugly and what not. i know that at least my conscience will fucking nag at me for saying something mean and hurtful to someone's face. i would never insult someone to their face. be it they did something shitty to me. i will however talk back to someone to fight for my rights and my arguments but i will not insult them because thats pretty much low to me. its like imagine this. you have nothing smart to say back and the only thing you can do is poke fun and insult them. abit stupid really. it shows how intelligent you are. please sense my sarcasm here.

anyways back to the topic at hand.you think its funny to and amusing to make fun of them? by pointing out their flaws? well guess what. it hurts their feelings. oh fuck yes im talking about experience.

now here's my experience ladies and gents.FAT FAT FAT. that's what i've been called. once at work the metal floor at work was loose and this guy said i caused it because i was fat. oh yes i had to fucking laugh it off when all i wanted to do was go off and cry somewhere. it is my fault im fat because i love to eat. food was created for a reason. to be fucking enjoyed. every fucking holiday i went back to visit my relatives and the only thing they point out is my weight. yes you see me laughing shit off at the jokes you make about my weight but it hurts like hell when its being said directly in your face in an insulting manner. i have feelings too. im not a fucking robot without any emotions. i do feel. im still human. weight has always been a constant issue to me. i did try things to lose weight. some i regret as it was unhealthy moves. im not gonna be listing what i did because half the weight that i lost was through a method that is beyond unhealthy. until i took up kickboxing. that was what got me losing a bit of weight. and im happy with it. im still on my way to achieving the weight that i want and i gotta thank my parents for encouraging me and paying for my classes.

i've heard many stories about friends telling me that this person said this about them and it was like "what the fuck. what did i do until they said that to my face. i mean my self esteem is low as it is and now.." making fun of people to their face is the lowest thing to me. i mean again. make fun of them but at least do it behind their backs for god's sake. i mean at least you wouldnt be hurting peoples feeling about it. poking fun about their flaws infront of their face and worse infront of other people who would be laughing along making the victim feel even shittier. well yeah they pretend to laugh along and go like fuck yeah it's fine. but deep down. it hurts. they may not be affected entirely but deep down inside. it hurts. even just a little. the pain is still there. i mean to me its pretty much you take a look at yourself first before making fun about other people. are you perfect enough? you got the perfect peen?the perfect boobs? the perfect bod? the perfect everything. nobody is perfect yes thats true. but again dont insult or make fun about people right in their face. i mean at least just have a fucking conscience and think about their feelings. its bad enough some people feel shit about themselves and the insults just makes it even worse.

thats all i've got to say on this matter.
thank you and good night.

x

mind.

it's seriously mind boggling on how the mind actually works. i dont know how to explain this but it's like the things that runs through our head. what are we thinking about, what we're imagining in our hear. that sort of thing.

sometimes i just friggen wish i was a mind reader you know. like i just want to know what everyone else is thinking about and stuff like that. no i dont want to be a nosy bitch that gets up in everyone else's business and know the shit and drama that goes on in their lives. i mean in a sense where i want to see how their mind works. the things that the human mind creates is amazing. like for example. the artistic people right. what goes through their head when they're creating something?
what were they thinking before they even picked up that brush or that pen or musical instrument and let art flow through it? and what goes on through a doctor's head when he's trying to save someones life? or a lawyer who's fighting a case in court? what goes on in these people's head? what are they thinking about?

you know who's mind i'd want to get into? tim burton. like seriously. i want to know what this guy thinks man. he's a friggen genius. the work he's created. i've been a fan of his since i was a child. obviously as a kid you watch loads of movies yeah? well for me i think i did but edward scissorshand, beetlejuice and the nightmare before christmas were the only ones that i remember from my childhood up till today.oh and also that movie with the giant plant that sort of looks like a venus flytrap in a shop.i forgot what that movie was called tho.again to me personally tim burton is a genius. again.my blog. i hate it i hate it i love it i love it. so yeah. anyways. like im not trying to be like all "oh look at me. i just friggen love the werid shit that people's mind crap out" no. this is my real interest. i like weird things that talented people create because it literally just makes my mind work. it makes me think. i swear i'd prolly not think if the things that i like today didn't exist.

so yeah. im pretty much interested in knowing how peoples mind think. again in many aspects i do want to know how a simple drawing that seems simple have a deep meaning to it and how music was created. like where do they get the ideas to know that THIS is right. the THIS im talking about is sort of like.uh.lets say for example. you got the lyrics down but how do you know that the sounds created by the instrument is right for the lyrics? im not a musician so i wouldnt know the terms and all that. so yeah.

i think that's all the rambling i got for today.
prolly gonna upload some pictures up if i feel like it.

toodles.
x

ramble ramble

well yes the topic for today my dear little children is about..fuck.even i dont know. im just gonna ramble on and on about whatever that pops into my head.

now lets see. what about hypocrites.ahh yes this is prolly something that we are all familiar with no? well yes im not going to paint this shining bright light around me by saying im not a hypocrite. i say its utter bullshit when people say their not hypocrites. yes ladies and gents every single one of us are hypocrites even in the tiniest bit. you may not want to admit it but hell who likes to admit their flaws?and you may not see it but its definetly there. that small part of you is a hypocrite. im not aiming this at anyone in particular or whatever event that just happened to me. im just saying this out of the fact that my head wanders off to past shit that happened and whenever to topic of hypocrisy comes about. and this is also due to the fact that im having a personal war with time and i dont want to drag my ass back to bed so that i wont be tired at work tomorrow.

prolly regret it but what the hell. you only live once. so that's all i've got to say on the subject of hypocrisy. im not gonna give one long ass explanation about it cause some people might tend to think im talking about them.im not. don't flatter yourself. i do bitch about people but that's just for the heck of it. talking about people is like a drug.you can't help but bitch and bitch and bitch about that person and what that person has done. to me.personally. talking about people is a way to relieve the stress thats building up in your head because that person is being a complete wanker. i know its bad to bitch about people but i honestly feel a whole lot better just getting the negativity out from my chest. yes there are good friends of mine who listens to me and for that i loooove you.haha. so yeah it's sort of like someone having a rubber band over your brain and your chest and once you talk about that person who is the cause of the rubber band you just feel the rubber band getting loose and you're able to feel calm and not so stressed out again. thats the best feeling ever. so yes. if you haven't noticed see how i just jumped from the short topic of hypocrisy to bitching?haha im sorry i just had to.haha

oh and now im gonna jump on to another topic. well lets see. oh yeah 2011 is coming up. there's like a few weeks left? sigh.say goodbye to 2010 kiddies. it's kinda shit for me tho.cause 2010 has been a good year. and it just flew by so fast. im gonna miss you 2010. and now to the main topic of the ever changing years. new years resolution? i swear i have never met anyone who has ever followed their new years resolutions. haha i mean i try to follow mine but i gave up after the 1st week of the new year. its such a hassle to remember my resolutions. like i say im not gonna do this anymore for the new year and then im doing that said thing and im like oh fuck im not suppose to be doing that. ahh well.haha sucks for me but hey. this year im really gonna TRY and stick to it. maybe just maybe. i gotta have faith in me though. oh i just thought of one. im gonna start writing alot in this blog and record all the important and memorable shit that happens to me. again TRY okay. i can't say i'll do it cause im pretty sure i wont do it.

so wait i think im done rambling.im going to TRY and get myself to write more in this blog.and im gonna go to bed right now.
night foolios.

x

im thinking.

hello hello.
yes.i need to get some thoughts out from my brain. sometimes i just wish i was in friggen harry potter. yes besides the fact that harry potter is cool and hogwarts is like the most kick ass place ever.its because i just want dumbledore's penseive. yes. the one where he sticks his wand at his temple and pulls memories and what not and puts it in the penseive to clear his mind.

issues and issues and things just keep popping into my mind. i cant help it. i cant control it.
its just there.
right now i am in a turmoil. im not going to be pouring out my heart into this blog because i dont want people to know me better and i dont want people to take a guess on what kind of person am i. i may be emotional and all but thats normal. people are different likewise when they are just normal. the guessing game is one dangerous game to play. you may just guess something wrong and that will pretty much ruin every kind of perception you have on that person.
so enough about that.

right now. what i want to write about in here is just what im thinking about the human life and things like that.
i mean something just happened and im pretty much not happy about it. i've been trying my best to avoid it. i did everything i can to ignore it but yeah i pretty much just failed at that. am i confusing you? good. lets just keep it this way.
i just want to know why humans can't just detach themselves from their emotions even for a while.
i mean right now i pretty much want to rip my emotions to bits.im tired of it. im tired of feeling right now. yeah emotion is they key to life. its how people view us. its how we express ourselves. but doesnt it get tiring at times?
i mean i know life cant be perfect all the time. but when there's the bad moment it happens and you get over it and life goes on. but again. what im saying right now might be confusing and it my words might go around in circles but again.that's that.im not gonna release everything in here. but right now im tired of having this form of emotion that i've had over the past a billion years.
im tired of it. i just want to friggen get over it. i mean come on. im not gaining anything out of it so yes.im annoyed at the human emotion right now.

so that is all im going to say right now because im tired of thinking.once my mind is cleared.then i'll write out a proper post.

x

Parabert.

uh hello long abandoned bloggie.
okay imma do a quick update on whats been going on.
well last 2 weeks adam lambert and paramore happened. sara made it all happen so a big thank you to sara!
met adam lambert on the 14th of October.
he's tall, he's sexy and he's super nice! i swear his concert has got to be the best concert i've even been to in my life. comparing his concert to all the ones i've been to this is pure epicness.
the lights, the dancers, the band and his voice is just eyegasmic and eargasmic.
so yes.go figure how amazing it was. it would've been awesome-er if only i was high.yes.the whole thing would just be killer if i was high.haahha lawlz.


and on the 19th..i think it was the 19th.im forgetting dates these days.
uhh paramore came down. yeah im a fan of them. i was crazy over them but i grew out of that obsession so it was cool that one of my old dreams came true. meeting them and getting to see them perform live. so im scratching that out from my old wish list.haha so on the concert day we chilled at sara's place first and we went to the stadium early. got the corporate box seating so we were waiting to meet them. met them at the locker room i think. and said hi to all of them.i swear hayley is just too cute. when i was in front of her she gave me the biggest smile and said apa kha. she was trying to figure out how to pronounce khabar and it was just too adorable.so i helped her out and she said terima kasih after i got my stuff signed. and sara's friend was talking to hayley and i knew sam was waiting in the crowd and she's just obsessed with them. so i grew a pair of balls and got hayley to write "to sam" on the riot cd so i could give it to sam. after that got a group picture and i got a hug from hayley, taylor, josh and jeremy. couldnt find zac.haha and the concert was amazing! met sam after the concert. sam had the picks but these fuckheads attacked her and stole the picks from her.so i gave her the cd and that pretty much made up for everything shitty that happened. she got excited that hayley wrote her name on the cd.hahaaha so overall it was all good. im waiting for the paramore pic so there wont be any pic of me and them for now.

updates later.i wanna go take a shower and maybe go see sam in a bit.

toodles worldd.
x

Eh

wow seriously.
i've abandoned this blog for like..ages.haha sorry bloggie.
well alot has happened but yes im too lazy to blog everything out.
fasting month went okay.
a lot of shit has happened over the past one month. good days, awesome days, sad days, shit days, overly stressed turned depressed days.
fuck yeah i've never known a more stressful time than august.
come on man august is spose to be my special month coz i came out in august but no. the majority of stressful days overruled the rest of the days.sooo BOO on you stressful days.
yes assignments were overwhelming, people were overall pissing me off, workload is increasing.
okay im gonna go now and i'll get back to this subject later.
i forgot something.
byeee.